"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
false alarm, still single
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