so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
