yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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