would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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