I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
