I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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