i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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