I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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