Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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