then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
