when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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