Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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