How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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