I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I should be sponsored by Trojan
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
