Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
