apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
