i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
