i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
