I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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