I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
