are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
