I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
