he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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