Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
