Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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