Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
