He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
did i walk over a car last night?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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