I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize