i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
