fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
