An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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