grandma shit on top of the toilet
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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