saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just high enough for therapy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
