she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
