Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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