Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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