I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
