Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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