...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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