remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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