He kissed a someone with a penis
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
