Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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