He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
