SEEEEXXX PLEASE
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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