I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
