I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
