Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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