Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
