I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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