I hate your face
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize