He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
