do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
