now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
