no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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