well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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