There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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