what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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