cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
