i wish there were pregnant emoticons
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
