I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
