so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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