I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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