I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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