you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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