I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize