I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
