Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
