the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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