After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Randomize
