All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
