oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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