Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize