Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
